Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
