So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
