fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
