I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
time to smoke my breakfast
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
