and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
