Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
