I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
