You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
