i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
