Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
