I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My life is pants optional.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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