My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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