i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
