Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
