Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
