You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
