my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
