it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
soo... how was my night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
