I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
