I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
