Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he thought i was a dude.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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