I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
