you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
