is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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