So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
