Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
