I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
