I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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