I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
