I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
