I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
