This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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