The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
