Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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