she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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