And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
