last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
