he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
