I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
