I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
