So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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