i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
