okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
