i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i think we sleep fucked last night...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
