Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
