All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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