I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
