Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
