They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
