I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
